The Sun rose from the steaming gray concrete masses like a big yellow  marble, looking down at the planet with its always cynical smile; The Sun knows.

"Are you ready now?" Hisses Lonny, slightly irritated. "I don't wanna spend all day waiting until you've finished watching yourself in the mirror, you sissy motherfucker, or did your diamonds fall out of your mouth?" He lights a cigarette.

"Fuck you. We have plenty of time." And Melvin knots his tie one more time. Minutes after that, the couple leave the penthouse on the top floor of the Holland Casino building and step into the elevator. The elevator and its shaft are made of glass and are located on the right outside of the building, looking directly at the sea.

"I need to pick up the tools at Manolo's place for that thing we gonna do." Lonny lights another cigarette and puts on his sunglasses.

"I tought yous gonna do that yesterday?"

"No man, I was at the house of that new bitch of mine. She hadn't introduced herself very properly, so we got acquainted...And she still had some trouble with her old sponsor, so I took care of that too."

"Pleasure before business eh?"

"Shit no, the bitch is business man! She's my main attraction. Spending an hour with this sample will set you back a couple dude, but for you...I'm always prepared to negotiate."

"You're a true friend, you know that...?"

"She was in desperate need of a new daddy, so as of now I'm taking care of her."

"You don't mean that blonde bitch you met at the Sunwheel beach-bar with these legs up till her ears right...?

"Yep. That's the Hoe."

"Like hell this fucking bitch is business! Ha ha..." Melvin's gold teeth blink in the bright sunlight shining thru the glass of the elevator, just before it disappears into the parking garage. They exit the elevator and walk to the car. Lonny pushes the button of his remote control to turn   off the alarm of the shining white AMG Mercedes. The car leaves the garage and links up with traffic.

"I go nuts man, when these fucking bitches wear them extra-high black leather boots, I'm telling ya, last night I got so fucking horny my brain must have melted." Lonny lights another cigarette.

"And brain juice comes out of your ears when these bitches with them black boots tie you up and make you eat their pussy out. You definitely not calling them bitches anymore." Says Melvin while he eats a white chocolate bonbon from the little golden box in Lonny's glove compartment.

"Fuck man, we gotta change subject here because my ears are getting wet." Lonny hits the gas as the traffic light turns red and enters a one-way street from the wrong direction.  "Saves us at least 10 minutes in this kinda traffic." A satisfied grin appears on Lonny's face.

"Does Larry know were coming?" Melvin is knotting his tie again in the rearview mirror.

"I guess."

The car stops in front of a Fixx it do it yourself cash and carry. Lonny & Melvin get out of the vehicle and walk inside the shop.

"Yo Manolo! You fucking greaseball Wop you...Ti sei fatto tua moglie stanotte??"

"Vaffanculo Lonny! Ti fai ancora di crack?!"

Both shake hands and hug and kiss all over. Manolo Scaletti owns this place for seven years now, since the previous owner disappeared under suspicious circumstances. The place is a very good cover-up, since there is no knowledge of Mafia connections with the do-it-yourself branch and the place has a very good name. The handy-dandy do it yourself men come from all over the region.

"You got that stuff for me I asked you for?" A cigarette gets lit.

"Sure." Another cigarette gets lit.

"It's in the back. I will have somebody put it in your car." Manolo whistles to a young blonde girl in the office and three seconds later a real sweet voice sounds through the prefab building: "Mr. Fixx it for Mr. Do it, black courtesy phone please." Within seconds a little freckled white guy with a mustache appears and asks for Lonny's car key.

"This is Mr. Do it, he will put the tools in the car. Meanwhile, why don't you step into my office for a coffee and a donut?"

Lonny gets a thick roll of banknotes from his pocket and picks out a hundred guilder bill. "Yo, Mr. Do it, here, get some gas after you have driven through a McDrive, all right?

Manolo's office looked like a beach-club. Neon signs with brand names of kitchen furniture and two blond girls behind typewriters, painting lips and powdering noses. The palm trees in the corners made it look like a real nice place though. Manolo closes the blinds of the office and opens a little silver box with white powder.

"Anybody care for a donut?" He smiles.

Within minutes the contents of the little silver box was reduced to almost nothing. Melvin hadn't even wiped the powder off his nose and already he was showing off his tattoo, spelled FUN, under his foot to the blond girls.Lonny neurotically keeps putting his gun in and out of his holster and Manolo is barking orders in Italian into the telephone. One of the blondes was just about to sit on Melvin's face when Mr. Do it came in, mayonnaise still dripping of his mustache.

"Here are your keys mister." Discretely he disappeared, since everybody was too busy being busy and just ignored him.

One and a half hour later:

"Oh fuck me! Lonny....Lonny....wake up asshole!"

Lonny opened his eyes staring in the barrel of his own gun held by his own hand.  "Booowaaaah..." Lonny is moaning heavily. "We must have fallen asleep. What time is it?"

"It's one o'clock. We should have taken care of that thing half an hour ago at the latest!" Melvin zips his pants. "If we are lucky motherfuckers they are delayed and still at the location. If we aren't lucky motherfuckers we'll be found dead in the trunk of your car after we have been recycled at my own fucking car demolition company!"

"Well, today I feel like a lucky motherfucker, motherfucker. So lets go and be lucky. Manolo! See you later man." Lonny lights a cigarette not even noticing the busy Manolo under the blondes dress.

With a speed of 160 kilometers per hour, 1600 kilos of white painted steel roll towards the concrete hell of suburban Delft. The closer they came, the darker the sky got.

"I surely hope it doesn't start raining....We need that gardener outside! But what does that matter if they have already left?" The cynicism drips off Melvin's face while he's chewing the leg of his Cartier sunglasses.

"I don't even wanna think about that. We are lucky motherfuckers, remember?" Lonny pushes the cigarette lighter in the dashboard.

"Wasn't this the place where all these people got shot in some bar? Without any reason?" Lonny pulls the cigarette lighter from the dashboard.

"Yep. Eight people dead. For nothing." Melvin is checking his tie in the rearview mirror.

"Isn't it a damn shame, all this senseless violence?

This world is getting crazier every day. Before you know, you yourself become victim of shit like this. Six crackhead hillbilly motherfuckers kicking the shit out of you because you happen to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. The police will say you're lucky they only gang-banged you and that it is your own fault; you should have stayed home in the first place. And what do they get when they get caught? Two years if they smell really bad."

"I say the chair." And Melvin puts on his brown gloves and puts a silencer on his .357.

Lonny pushes the kickdown and the Mercedes shoots through the street creating waves on the sidewalk. Upset people ball their fists in the direction of the speeding car, almost hitting a tram ignoring a stop sign. The ride ends in front of a warehouse surrounded by trees and huge concrete flats.

"The car is still here, and the gardener is still mowing the lawn! I think we are lucky motherfuckers man...they must be still inside the warehouse!"

The noise of the lawnmower-engine echoes through the area, sounding like Chinese firecrackers on a string. Lonny lights a cigarette, opens the trunk of the car and gets out a chainsaw, obviously made for industrial purpose. Melvin grabs the axe and closes the trunk. Both disappear in the warehouse to come out again 25 minutes later, each carrying a large brown plastic bag. A total of four bags disappear in the trunk of the car before it takes off to Pametex car demolition.

"You know...I was wondering... Lonny pushes the cigarette lighter.

"I bet I don't wanna hear it. Melvin straightens his tie in the rearview mirror.

"Have you ever been to Texas? Lonny pulls the cigarette lighter from the dashboard.

Consultants: Teep (Boston), Marco Passarani (Roma), Pim (Den Haag)

Francois & Lonny unplugged >>>>